Our First Gathering: “The Motherload”
On May 10th, Mother's Day weekend, we launched Refine Social Club on a beautiful sun-filled morning at KYO Lounge in Venice, California. It felt like the perfect beginning for something we'd been dreaming about for months.
We welcomed guests with locally brewed coffee, creamy matcha, and Moët champagne—after all, new beginnings deserve to be celebrated properly.
Starting with Intention
The morning began with a short meditation, giving everyone a chance to settle in and connect with the space and each other. Then we introduced reflection cards that invited deeper exploration of one of life's most complex relationships—the one with our mothers.
The questions prompted quiet journaling, shared stories, and moments of recognition as women found common ground in their experiences. There were tears, laughter, and those meaningful silences that happen when someone shares something deeply personal.
A Conversation About Mothering
One of the morning's most meaningful moments came during a fireside chat between our co-founders Ali and Jen—daughter and mother—who opened up about their own journey of connection, growth, and understanding. This conversation was the precursor to the Refined & Unhinged podcast, which they just launched.
We were also joined by licensed therapist Shannon Lawler, LMFT, who shared insights about how mother-daughter relationships evolve throughout life. Her perspective helped us understand the natural shifts that happen—from early dependence to independence, through periods of conflict and reconciliation, and sometimes back to caregiving again.
What We Learned
Several insights resonated deeply with everyone in the room:
The mother-daughter relationship moves in cycles rather than a straight line, as it shifts across life stages—from a shared body to independence, from rebellion to reconciliation, and sometimes, back to care and dependence again. The push-pull phases are natural and should be embraced rather than feared.
Healthy adult relationships between mothers and daughters thrive on companionship, mutual respect, and clear boundaries. Sometimes the most healing conversations start with simple, honest statements like "I want to be close with you" or "My feelings were hurt when..."
Cultural expectations shape how we show up in these relationships. Some families maintain traditional hierarchies while others develop more partnership-based dynamics. Both approaches can work.
We all need nurturing—or what Shannon called "Mothering"—but it doesn't have to come solely from our biological mothers. It can come from chosen family, trusted friends, community like Refine Social Club, and even connection with nature.
“Today's mothers are flush with information and starved for wisdom.” Feeling overwhelmed by constant information and expert opinions, we are drowning out our own intuition and wisdom.
Many women find themselves navigating their daughters' puberty while experiencing their own (peri)menopause—a perfect storm that requires patience, understanding, and grace from everyone involved.
A Beautiful Close
The morning ended at our DIY bloom bar, where guests created personal bouquets to take home—some for themselves, some for their mothers, and some for friends who needed a thoughtful gesture.
What It All Meant
As women lingered, shared stories and connected, something became clear: Refine is more than an event series or social club. It's about creating space for the conversations that matter, the connections that sustain us, and the understanding that we don't have to navigate life's complexities alone.
To everyone who joined us that morning—thank you for being part of this beginning. Your openness, your stories, and your presence made it everything we hoped it would be.
We're just getting started.